Okay, so I have thought about starting a blog for some time now, but have just never gotten around to it. I guess this will be my way to blow off some steam, regardless of whether or not someone will read it.
So my life has been chaotic, that's kind of a rule for me. When things are all going smoothly, I get bored and have to do something to entertain myself. This doesn't mean I thrive on drama, I just like to be challenged in all ways possible. Trying to fix a problem is kind a weakness for me. Don't believe me? Hand me a chain that is all knotted up and watch me go! Anyway, I think that was my issue with my last relationship. It was never quite right, but I always wanted to fix it. I thought for sure that if I did, I would be so happy. You can't fix another person. I don't know why it has taken me so long to figure this out, but there it is, in plain English. You can help another person grow, but that's all you can do.
Now, here I am a year and some odd months later and we have OFFICIALLY broken up. We played the game of breaking up and getting back together frequently, but this time it's real. I am so excited to be moving on. I have spent way too much time being bogged down with the unhappiness that he brought to me. I have my own place, well I have roommates, but I have my own room again. I have my own bed, that I purchased brand new! I am completely independent again. No more having to worry about another person and whether or not they were eating or sober enough to fall asleep in a calm manner. No more being second fiddle to a "business." No more feeling like I am crazy for wanting to talk to each other over dinner instead of being on our cell phones. This will be so good for me.
The past few months I have been discovering more and more who I am. I am energetic, outgoing, VERY talkative (all jokes aside, yes, I know I talk a lot), I am fiercely loyal to those close to me, I really enjoy vegging out at the end of a long day. I also really enjoy making sure that things are tidy, it has become a form of therapy for me. I love to bake, I love to read books and listen to good music. I am a dork, plain and simple. I make really bad jokes, but they are funny! I would much rather sit at home and watch old movies with a close friend on a Saturday night than have to get all dressed up and go out. Wow, this is starting to sound like an online dating profile!
Anyway, I guess my point with all of this is simply that moving on with my life makes me so excited. I get to be me again, not who others want me to be. The surreal thing, though, is that I am not sad about moving on. I think I have been ready for a long time, I just wasn't willing to admit it to myself. After all, we all know it's easier to sit still than have to make such a large life change like I have.
God this feels good! I get to talk to my friends and family again! I feel like I have been living under a rock for so long, and now the sun is shining on my face again!
